Monday, December 27, 2010

Birthdays Come And Go Too Fast For Me To Post On Time

I am aware that my birthday was all the way back on November ninth, and this is very delayed. You should be aware of the fact that I have nearly crippling ADD, especially if I don't take my meds, so shit does not get done. Sorry about that, guys. Now that we're all squared away with the facts, let's get this post going...

I got a Rubik's cube on a chain for my birthday. Hell yes, it's snazzy. The only thing I could wear around my neck that could possibly be any better than that is a unicorn egg (and don't tell me unicorns can't lay eggs just because they're mammals. Unicorns can do anything). I also got some other awesome stuff, and a lot of "Happy Birthdays." Now, don't get me wrong; I always appreciate a birthday wish of any kind. However, there's always four different types of Happy Birthdays. I'll give you a rundown.

1. The "It's Your Birthday?"
Thanks. You put a lot of thought into what to do for my birthday, didn't you? You're too kind. Really, though, I don't expect for everyone who's ever learned my name to know my birthday. I find this particular scenario amusing, though. You've all seen it, or done it before. One person says "Happy Birthday!" This is the Happy Birthday Wisher, or the HBW. The person whose birthday it is is the Happy Birthday Reciever, or the HBR. The HBR thanks them, graciously, and immediately after, the person next to them, the "It's Your Birthday?" Person (the IYBP) notices the exchange that just occured between the HBW and the HBR. Then, the IYBP speaks up, and says, "It's your birthday?" (Who would've guess it, right?) The HBR nods, and waits a few milliseconds before hearing the famous, "Oh... Happy Birthday!" Then, the HBR puts on a happy face and thanks the IYBP, who is still pretending to slightly care that it is their birthday. This "thanks" that is said to the IYBP is not a genuine "Thank you for caring about my birthday even though it does not affect you in the slightest way!" It sounds like it, but really, it's a "Thanks for only saying Happy Birthday to me because it is the polite thing to do and you don't want to look like a jackass!"
2. The "Facebook Told Me It's Your Birthday!"
This is a small step up from the "It's Your Birthday?" You know that they at least took the three and a half milliseconds to the read the birthday section on their Facebook homepage, so that counts for something. Maybe. Although wording it "Facebook told me it's your birthday," is not the best choice. At least for me, it really rubs me the wrong way. It's like, "Really? Facebook personally came to you and told me it's my birthday? I didn't even know! Thank goodness Facebook is here to tell us all this crap!" Hey, next time my birthday rolls around, congratulate me on the big one-eight without mentioning Facebook in the same line, okay? Thanks a bunch.
3. The "Happy Birthday! I Remembered!"
These people like to make sure you know that they remembered your birthday all on their own... about fifteen times. I will admit, I feel pretty special when I'm greeted with a "Happy Birthday, Sara!" with no mention of Facebook. After about five more Happy Birthdays from the same person, though, I feel more like a trophy displaying their extreme consideration and remarkable memory for birthdays. It's okay, though. They're proud of their competence; let them think that remembering your birthday make them some sort of winner, because deep down inside, they are one. Maybe.
4. The "I'm More Excited For Your Birthday Than YOU!"
I love these people; kind of. I like getting a text at 6:00 AM that says, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YOU BIRTHDAY PERSON OF HAPPY BIRTHDAY-NESS! I LOVE YOUR BIRTHDAY, AND YOU, AND GLITTER, AND FROSTED MINI WHEATS, AND ALSO YOUR BIRTHDAY!" It's fun, and kind of creepy knowing that someone is more excited about your birthday than you. The only way this could get any better is if they were to give me a unicorn, too, but I'll take the "Happy Birthday" in caps lock, anyways. There's also that one person who tackles you at 7:30 AM and practically punches you in the face with their enthusiasm for your birthday, and makes you open their "super awesome amazing present that you're just going to LOVE!" in fifteen seconds flat. Good times...

Thanks everyone, for all the Happy Birthdays, whether Facebook told you, or the person sitting next to you, or your neighbor, or second cousin twice removed, even though I'm fairly sure they don't care about my birthday. If you knew it all by yourself, congrats. There should be a medal for that.