I'm Feeling Like Being a Jerk Today...

God, I hate when I'm watching America's Next Top Model, and I change the channel during commercials, and flip back just in time to hear Tyra calling me a loser. Also, look at the cool cake made out of magic and fairy dust (my mom told me cakes can't be made of these things. I definitely remember putting them in the bowl, but WHATEVER) Bestfriend and I made:

I'm sorry, what? Why yes, that IS the coolest cake that's ever been made in the history of ever. I'm waiting for the job offers to roll in from all those shows about cake. I mean, I understand that the cakes on there have actual moving parts and helicopters (made of cake) that fly, and little men (made out of cake) that want my hand in marriage wave at you, and little business executives in suits (made out of fucking CAKE) that want to hire me carry briefcases, but this cake is rainbow. I'm sorry, I don't know if you heard me correctly. It's fucking RAINBOW. The frosting is ALSO rainbow, so there's that. I'm gonna tell you how to make a rainbow cake as awesome (and rainbow) and special (and also rainbow) as Bestfriend and I's.

 STEP ONE: Get your cake mix. Make sure it's vanilla or white. It can NOT be chocolate. That just won't work and you'll feel stupid, so don't do that shit.

STEP TWO: Mix that shit up with eggs (not hard boiled), water, vegetable oil, and whatever else the damn box says; just read the box, okay? I'm very busy. Hey, guess how many cheetos fit in my mouth?

STEP THREE: Separate the cake batter into six different bowls. Don't ask questions, okay? Add food dye to each one. You want red, yellow, orange, green, blue, and purple; the colors of the rainbow, since it's going to be a rainbow cake and so youI'm gonna stop explaining now.

STEP FOUR: Pour the purple batter into the bottom of the pan, and then pour the blue batter into the center of that. Do the same with the green, yellow, orange and red, but keep it in rainbow order, or else you suck! I love you, don't leave. It should look like this:

STEP FIVE: Bake your cake for whatever time the box tells you.

STEP SIX: Take your cake out of the oven, and let it cool. Then, carefully flip it out onto a large plate, platter, cooling rack, whatever you want. Also, don't do a shitty job flipping it onto the cooling rack and break it in half like we did a dumbass.

STEP SEVEN: Frost it if you want to, or if you don't want to, then you're boring. If you do, then buy or make some white vanilla frosting or icing or whatever you like to call it, and separate it into six different bowls, and use food dye like you did for the cake batter. Then figure out the rest of the damn thing.

So that's how you make a rainbow cake. Don't say I never give you anything. Also, this was pretty much the worst recipe/baking tutorial/blog post ever, so I deeply apologize.

Also, I'm still working on my Lady GaGa costume, so keep liking Pork on a Fork on Facebook. You can do that from the sidebar right here on my beautiful, spiffy, average-looking, horrible, embarrassing blog. Do it so I don't look like a loser.
Also, look at this picture of me eating a fake bagel and drinking fake coffee inside of a furniture store!

 

I'm so, so sorry.