Sorry about calling you "stuff..."

Math class makes me want to kill myself. Not literally, because that would probably be a slight overreaction, but it's still terrible. I haven't learned a single thing in that class since September. So basically, I entertain myself by writing letters to inanimate objects (except for God... and some other stuff. You'll get that one by the time you finish reading this.) I have about a million, but I'm going to try to control myself (something that I really need to work on) and only post a few.

Dear Saran Wrap,
Stop being so stuck on yourself. Stick to the plate, damn it.
Sincerely,
Sara

Dear Lollipops That I Buy From Bed Bath and Beyond,
You're delicious, but I can't fit you in my mouth. (That's what she said.) You should do something about that.
Sincerely,
Sara

Dear Michael Jackson,
Just kidding. You're dead.
Sincerely,
Sara

Dear Readers,
Sorry about the Michael Jackson joke. I couldn't help myself. But you must admit, it was kind of funny, but also disrespectful, but also kind of funny, I think. Sorry again.
Sincerely,
Sara

Dear Hollywood,
Stop procrastinating and make me famous, already. We all know it's destined to happen.
Sincerely,
Sara

Dear Me,
That last letter was just terrible. I'm pretty sure no one want to see or hear you on TV. Or on tabloids. Or on the radio. Or anything else for that matter. You're completely ridiculous. Oh, and good job leaving your cell phone on the bus, dumb ass. I think I'm gonna go cry over some Oreos. Am I making you feel bad? Good. See what you do to me?
Sincerely,
Sara

Dear God,
Are there skylights in Heaven? If there are, where do they lead? Aren't you already in the sky? Just wondering...
Sincerely,
Sara
P.S.- Sorry about the Michael Jackson joke. Oh, and sorry about lying to my mom about not eating Oreos when I actually did...

Dear Readers,
Sorry about calling you inanimate objects in the beginning of this post. I didn't think that one through. But I did say "And some other stuff," so that kind of counts, right? Sorry about calling you guys "stuff." You mean much more to me than that.
Sincerely,
Sara