Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Idiots: The Best Places to Find Them

There's always an abundance of things you don't want.

One of these things are idiots. Morons. Imbeciles. You can find them almost anywhere, but some places seem to be breeding grounds for these Einsteins. I don't know why you'd WANT to find idiots, since they're actually very irritating, but just in case you do, go to these places:
1. Fast Food Restaurants/Drive-Thru
I ordered a medium chocolate milkshake, and you gave a jumbo Dr. Pepper with fries. I'm sorry, but there's NO way you misheard that. I'm not really a fan of fast food, because deep fried chicken intestines isn't really my thing, but I can confidently say that the few times I get fast food a year, it takes much longer than it should. First off, if you work in a fast food restaurant, do all of your customers a favor and have a general knowledge of what's on the menu. (Is it even considered a "menu?" It sounds too classy.) Oh, and also, learn how to count money and give change. Just a suggestion here, too, but maybe whoever works the drive-thru shouldn't sound like they just had a root canal and have cotton shoved in their mouth.
2. Facebook
This is a little different, because whatever idiots you find on here are still throwing their stupidity in your face; it's just not in person. If you're patrolling Facebook for idiots, look for the following:
  • Individuals who talk about Jersey Shore too often. Exhibit A: "Watching Jersey Shoreee, bitches! Text the celly. Love yaaa. xoxoxo." Bite me.
  • People who tag their significant other in every status message, with a paragraph about how amazing they are. Exhibit B: "I. Loooove. Joe Imgonnaspamyournewsfeed. Sooo much. He's sooo amazing nd he's so cute. his eyes are the beautiful color of a rotten blueberry smashed on the bottom of my white sandal. He kills bugs for me because he's sooo brave and he's more jacked than Hercules and Beowulf combined." He's Steve Urkel in a polo shirt. Shut up.
3. Walmart
If you don't agree with this, you're probably one of the many Walmart idiots. When I say that Walmart is like the main hall in the castle overlooking the land of idiocy, I really mean that 99.9% of the Walmart population is fucking STUPID. Either that, or terrifying. Sorry I said fucking; don't hate me. Also, if you shop at Walmart, I'm sorry. I have this constant nagging feeling during every second I'm forced to spend in this Godforsaken store that: A. Some idiot is going to ram their cart into the back of my legs and then glare at me like I ran over their pet shih tzu and then got in their way, or B. I'm going to get raped and/or murdered in the dressing room/middle of the store in broad daylight. Actually, just the latter. I've never been in a Walmart dressing room. It's probably frightening and resembles a bathroom more than their actual bathroom.

On a separate note, I would like to know from all of you... Would you rather be attacked by fifty duck-sized horses, or one horse-sized duck?
I want to know. I don't know why.

I would pick the duck-sized horses...