After I had the great misfortune of watching myself back attempting to act, I gave up. My next genius idea was that I was going to be a singer. I was going to audition for American Idol and wow the judges with my fantastic-but-actually-mediocre-in-reality singing, and win the whole competition, and go on world tours and be awesome. It didn’t work out. Of course, you always sound better in your head than in reality. So while I tried to sing Mariah Carey like a champ, my dogs hid in another room to avoid my very unpleasant attempt at breaking the sound barrier. Now, let me just point out that I’m not actually a bad singer; I’m actually pretty okay at it. However, I’m pretty sure, had I tried out for American Idol, that Simon Cowell would have made a fool of me in my mediocrity.
So once I gave up on that, I decided that maybe I would be a famous dancer. Now, I’ve danced pretty much since I was born, and I think I’m pretty good at what I do, which would be tap, contemporary, and jazz. However, as an obsessed So You Think You Can Dance fan, each time I watch that show, my confidence in my own dancing shrivels up into a tiny, pathetic raisin of hopelessness (And this is the little reject raisin at the bottom of the box that you avoid touching at all costs, let alone putting it into your body and digesting it.) At first, I thought, “Hey! I’ll try out for So You Think You Can Dance! I can do it!” but I’ve pretty much given up on that goal, as well, although there’s still a tiny sliver of hope in me that says, “You can do it!” I can’t. Maybe.
So now, I’ve decided that instead of becoming a famous actress, or singer, or dancer, I’m going to be a famous blogger. Everyone is going to know what Pork on a Fork is, and I’m not talking about a piece of oily pig flesh with a four-pronged eating utensil shoved through it. I’m talking about this blog. So I googled, “How to be a successful blogger,” because Google knows everything, and also
-The satisfaction that you made me famous
-My extreme gratitude for you making me famous
Just kidding. You don’t get a unicorn. But if you all subscribe, I’ll know you like me, and I’ll continue trying way too hard to make you laugh. Oh, and I'll definitely mention you in my internet acceptance speech.
P.S.- I was bored and decided to type my name into Urban Dictionary...