Wednesday, January 26, 2011

My name is Olga, and I am a Water Buffalo...

Hey guys, so first off, I recently wrote a guest post, which is pretty exciting. It was featured on Caroline Clemmon's blog, and you can check it out Here. My New Year's Resolutions need some work. I can live with that, though, and still not make any revisions to them. I'm quite content with mediocrity, thank you very much.

I hate when I say something stupid and make everything uncomfortable. Don't make me seem weird; you know you've done it, too. Everyone does, except maybe unicorns, because they don't talk, but if they did, I'm fairly sure they would never say anything that wasn't one hundred and ten percent relevant, or ingenious, or hysterically funny. Here's my favorite awkward situation to create:
Me: Oh God, you know what name I hate? Olga; it's horrid. It sounds like warthogs molesting chimpanzees in a construction zone.
Other Person: Olga was my great aunt's dead cat's name. She was an orphan and my great aunt adopted her. Her hind legs got run over by a doughnut truck when she was living in the projects, and now she uses a motorized power scooter to get around, and my great aunt brings her to kitty therapy to get over her fear of doughnuts, too.
Me: Oh, well it's a delightful name for a cat... I just meant that it's a terrible name for people.
Other Person: It's my middle name, too...
Me: Did I say people? I meant water buffaloes... So, uhh, I'll talk to you later...

And this is how I unintentionally offend people. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does this... Anyone? Well, in case you do, here's one possible way to get out of it:

Maybe they won't notice?

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You are funny.

Sara said...

Haha Well thank you very much, kind anonymous person. :D

Rafa said...

I've been going back and reading all your old posts......funny stuff. I LOVE it! You're a good writer and you're demented. Very nice!

Sara said...

Thank you very much! I think you're quite hilarious, as well. I spent probably over half of today reading your blog. Quite awesome. Haha :)

Roxanne and Lorraine said...

Guilty! I do things like this all the time. One time, I said to a girl that I didn't like it when people named their kids things they couldn't pronouce, like Stephanie, but with a Hispanic accent called them Eeehh-stephanie. I forgot her name was Stephanie. And her mom totally called her that. Ahem.

Also, "your mom" jokes to people who've lost a mother. SO BAD.


Lor

Sara said...

Oh no! I've done the "Your mom" thing, too. It's pretty awkward. I don't really know what to say after that, because it's like, I already made an ass of myself, so I should apologize, but then if I do, what if they think I'm being saracastic...? Or something...

Roxanne and Lorraine said...

There is no recovery. Just, none at all...

Sara said...

It's a great time to pretend you have to use the bathroom and then not come back...