Monday, February 21, 2011

Unicorns Are Better Than Ponies... And You Know It.

I'm sure you'll all be delighted to know that the reason I haven't written a blog post in quite a long time is not because I am dead. I've actually been busy doing nothing and also putting off work. I also got my wisdom teeth ripped out of my face on Friday, to put it lightly. I'm sort of disappointed that I didn't act like a moron when I woke up from my surgery. Like this: My New Best Friend. She's mainly my new best friend (After BestFriend, because she always comes first, which makes my new best friend... Second BestFriend) because of her extreme fascination with unicorns, and also because she has come up with a fantastic rap about Jesus Christ, himself, but mostly because I think she owns a unicorn, and I want in on that. I won't settle for a pony. I want a unicorn, and that's that.
I hate when people compare ponies to unicorns. They are NOT the same thing. Unicorns are one hundred times better, and I have actual scientific data to back that up.
1. Unicorns Have Horns
Do ponies have a horn protruding from their forehead? No. Actual scientific data. That's that.
2. Unicorns Can Be Pink
Or purple. Or blue. Or green. Or whatever color your heart desires. Can you have a blue pony? No. It's just not possible, unless you try using hair dye on your pony, but then it wouldn't be legitimately blue, so basically, you're a lying cheater. How do you feel about yourself now? Here's what my unicorn is going to look like:
That's glitter around it. My mother told me it was scary looking. I think it's perfect, but that could be my pain medication. I'd like to applaud my (in)capability of drawing a unicorn while simultaneously being drugged up and resembling a chipmunk.

3. Unicorns Are Just Better
They just are.

This is the worst list I've ever made. Whatever. What was I talking about? Right, I don't know. So basically, my medication for my surgery/teeth getting ripped out of my face turns me into a delusional, rambling idiot, and I'm incapable of writing anything more intelligent. Sorry this is the worst blog post I've ever written. If anyone returns to this blog after I publish this, I will literally love you until the day that I die.


Rafa said...

This is actually some of the best stuff I've read in a while. Maybe everybody should have wisdom teeth pulled ot of their faces.

BTW: You are right, ponies can't be blue!

Sara said...


And yes, unless it was some sort of odd pony/unicorn hybrid creature, but then it wouldn't be a unicorn. It would be a pony/unicorn hybrid... So it still doesn't count...

Roxanne and Lorraine said...

Thank you for posting that link to the video of MY new best friend. I don't know where I've been, but I'd never seen it.

I think you'll find it amusing to know that I actually recognized the JC rap right away as "Who's in the House" by Carmen. This is because I owned the cassette tape, in English and Spanish, where this song was featured.


In case you are curious:



Sara said...

Yes, I saw her on Ellen, and I decided that she was brilliant.

And that's fantastic; very bad ass, indeed. :D I really like her rendition of it where she starts beatboxing; skills right there. I'm still disappointed I didn't do that...