Do frogs have paws? Just wondering...

Why does everyone look at me weird when I say that something "makes me want to punch babies?" I mean sure, I'm implying that I enjoy endangering the lives of tiny infants, but no big deal, right? Obviously, I'm me, so people should know better than to take everything I say seriously, because, let's face it, I'm a nutcase. A while ago, I was reading a post on Steam Me Up Kid (This is a link, by the way, even though it doesn't look like it), and she was talking about catchy catchphrases (does that even make sense?) that would look good on a T-shirt, so my first thought, of course, is "Oh my gosh, mine would be 'You make me want to punch babies,'" but then I decided that might not be a wise marketing move. So I came up with this, instead:

Awesome, right? I thought so too... I'm not sure, though. It still seems a little suspicious sounding. Oh well, maybe I'll come up with a catchier catchphrase, instead. So I was going through the documents on my computer, and I found some stories my friend and I had written that make me wonder what goes through my head. (You'll probably have to click on this picture so you can read it. It's pretty small.)
There are absolutely no words I can use to sum up the confusion I felt by the end of this. By the way, if you aren't aware of who Dwight K. Schrute is, you should be. It's this guy:

Not really sure why my friend and I decided it would be such a great idea to label this guy as our God, but we did, and the fact of the matter is, I think he's brilliant. Slightly frightening in an I-watch-you-sleep-from-outside-your-bedroom-window-at-night kind of way, and unattractive in probably every possible way, but brilliant. You know how that goes...