Monday, October 25, 2010

Oreos. The best thing since Jesus.

You know those days where you would stay home from school because you felt somewhat sick, and then halfway through the day, you would realize that you really didn't feel so bad, but you couldn't say anything, because then your mother would make you go to school for the rest of the day? That's what's happening right now. I actually don't feel so bad, but I also feel bad enough that I don't want to go to school but that's mostly just because I really dislike school but also because I don't feel good.

Technically, though, if I were to do something with my hair (as in make myself look like a normal human without my hair tied up in a ponytail on top of my head because it starts making the back of my neck itchy when I'm obviously just trying to lay on the couch like a lazy person and watch TV without any distractions) and put on some actual pants that aren't made of fleece with tiny Mickey Mouses all over them that my mom gave me as a Christmas present, I would be perfectly capable of going to school for the rest of the day. However, this plan is majorly flawed in my book, considering that it largely conflicts with my list of Things That Shouldn't be Necessary But Are, which includes:
Wearing pants
Attending school
Basic social skills
Doing anything productive in life

So obviously, spending the rest of today at school is not an option for me. Well it is, but I'm incapable of going but really because I'm lazy but also because I'm incapable, kind of. But anyways, just because I get to sit at home for the rest of the day watching TV doesn't mean I get to do whatever I want. Whenever my mother decides to stay home from work when I decide to be sick feel fatally ill, I have to follow certain guidelines, so she won't know think I'm somewhat faking. For example, singing along flamboyantly to karaoke videos of The Sound of Music is strictly off limits on these days. The hills are NOT alive.

Another things that is off limits is eating junk food. So you can imagine that this is challenging for me when there's two boxes of Oreos in my house just calling for me to eat them. (You must understand that Oreos are the single greatest thing to grace this sad excuse for a planet since Jesus or sliced bread or whatever you happen to think is great.) So when your mother goes out to get the mail, it always seems like a good idea to sprint to the pantry and totally binge on Oreos with marshmallows (It's delicious. Try it.) So there I am, sitting on the floor outside my pantry, stuffing my face with as many Oreos as possible before my mother gets back, my eyes darting between the front door, and the TV in the family room that I can just barely see over the counter from the kitchen floor.

When I finally got thirsty enough, I got up to get a drink, (directly from the jug, of course, because there's no time to pour it into a cup before my mom gets back), and I got totally dizzy, immediately remembering the reason that my mother doesn't let me eat crappy junk food when I'm sick. Needless to say, I hope my mother doesn't look in the box of Oreos, because she will be sadly disappointed...


Fwip said...

I love your teeth! They are so horrifying.

Sara said...

Haha thank you! I try. That's my goal :D hah