Infants and Lobsters are NOT interchangeable

So as you all know, Halloween is this Sunday, and I’m eagerly waiting for my mom to open up the bags of candy for the Trick-or-Treaters so I can swoop in and steal half before she puts it in the bowl for the little ankle-biters. Just kidding, I like kids. Kind of. So, in light of the candy-bingeing, potential-pedophiles-handing-out-candy-to-little-kids, verging-on-Satanic holiday that is Halloween, I’ve attempted to come up with some fantastic costume ideas. Here they are:

A Sexy Feather Duster

Thanks, Lady GaGa, for this gem of a costume idea.

The Potential Baby Killer Holding the Pot

Really? Who does this?

A Very Clever Sexual Innuendo

You know you thought that, too.

A Cat

Just kidding. If you look really closely, you can tell this isn't actually a cat costume. It's a real cat. But I totally got you for a second, right?

A Douchebag

That's right. A big bag of douche.

See anything you like? I know, they're all brilliant. I try. Just for you guys. I don't have to try that hard to be awesome though, since it just kind of comes to me. Actually, I try way too hard. Coming up with ideas for blog posts isn't so easy. It's actually kind of challenging; especially for an extremely ADD person like me. See, here's a step by step on how I write a blog post:

Step #1: Sit down at computer.

Step #2: Applaud your extreme talent and sheer skill displayed while completing Step #1 and reward yourself with Oreos.

Step #3: Realize that you have no milk to go with your Oreos and go into the kitchen to fix that.

Step #4: See your iPod on the counter and realize that it needs charging.

Step #5: Plug your iPod into computer to charge it, and realize you haven't listened to your current favorite song in 3 hours and immediately play it.

Step #6: Hear a good line in the song and set it as your status message on Facebook. Check your newsfeed. Check your notifications. Respond to every one.

Step #7: Go to you blog, and click "New Post."

Step #8: Restart favorite song, and realize that you haven't played Pocket Frogs in about 2 hours.

Step #9: Play Pocket Frogs for an hour.

Step #10: Begin writing your new post.

Step #11: Spell check the first three sentences of your post, even though you know all of it is right.

Step #12: Pet your cat.

Step #13: Feed your cat.

Step #14: Dress up your cat.

Step #15: Laugh hysterically and take pictures of your cat and post them on Facebook with the caption: LOLZ My cat is totally hilarious in this Jester costume! HAHA MY CAT LOOKS LIKE A DOUCHEBAG AND I'M LOLING SO HARD.

Step #16: Tell everyone on Facebook that your new blog post is going to be hysterically funny, and they better read it or else you'll kick their ass.

Step #17: Have a 10 minute argument with three different people through Facebook Chat about how you COULD, in fact, kick their ass.

Step #18: Give up.

Step #19: Realize that you totally bragged about having an awesome upcoming blog post.

Step #20: Tell yourself that you can't get up until you finish your new blog post.

Step #21: Work your ass off coming up with an idea for your new blog post.

Step #22: Spend 20 minutes reading it over.

Step #23: Hit "Publish post."

Step #24: Go eat pizza with your mother, and think about the life that you totally need to get.

Come on now, REALLY? What is this?!